Vanessa was excited about Tom, a guy she met on a dating site. His messages were charming, and he seemed eager to meet. Yet, something in her gut nagged at her. He often dodged details about his life when she asked what he did for work; he gave a vague “I am in business” and changed the topic. He was also intense: after just a couple of days of messaging, he was sending heart emojis and talking about soulmates. Vanessa brushed off her concerns, thinking maybe he was just a passionate guy. They set up a dinner date. Halfway through the meal, Tom dropped an odd request: could Vanessa lend him $200 until his “paycheck cleared” next week? Red alert sirens went off in Vanessa’s head. She remembered advice she had heard to watch for inconsistencies and overly forward behaviour early on. Politely, she declined and ended the date soon after. Later that night, she unmatch him and felt relief. In retrospect, the red flags were there; she just had to trust her instincts.

Conversely, consider David, who had been chatting with Lena. She was genuine in her profile, mentioning her love of her dog and weekend baking habit and in conversation, she asked David lots of questions about him, not just talking about herself. When they met for coffee, Lena was exactly who she’d presented herself to be: friendly, considerate, and funny in a dorky way that put David at ease. She listened attentively and did not rush anything. David realised that the comfort he felt was thanks to numerous green flags, positive signals that he had paid attention to along the way.

When dating online, knowing what to look for beyond a cute photo can save you heartache and guide you toward the right people. Here are some common red flags and green flags to keep in mind:

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Inconsistent or secretive details: If someone’s stories do not add up or they are extremely vague about basic things (like where they work or live), be cautious. Consistency is a sign of honesty. Constant evasiveness might mean they are hiding something.
• Love bombing and rushing intimacy: It is flattering when a match really likes you, but be wary of too much too soon. If they are professing strong feelings, pushing for very quick meetups at odd hours, or talking about serious commitment in the first week, it can be a manipulative tactic. Genuine connections take time to build; someone trying to fast-track that might not have the right intentions.
• Never willing to meet or call: If weeks have gone by and your match always has an excuse to avoid a phone call or in-person meeting (yet continues to message), it is a possible sign they are not who they claim to be (think catfishing) or not truly available.
• Requests for money or personal data: This is a huge red flag. Just like Vanessa’s date asking for money, it is inappropriate and likely a scam. Similarly, if someone you have not met is asking for things like your address, banking info, or other personal data, cut off contact. Legitimate matches will not ask for that stuff out of the blue.
• Disrespectful or inconsistent communication: Do they cancel plans last minute repeatedly? Go hot and cold in texting you? Disappear for days and then come back with flimsy excuses? If you consistently feel disrespected or anxious about their interest level, that is a flag. You deserve someone who is enthusiastically into getting to know you, not stringing you along.

Green Flags that Signal Potential:

• Respectful and consistent communication: Green flag folks make you feel secure. They reply in a reasonable time frame, communicate openly if they will be busy, and do not leave you in suspense for days. Their words and actions line up. For example, if they say they will call at 7 PM, they do. Consistency builds trust.
• Interest in getting to know you: They ask questions about your life, your opinions, your interests and remember things you have shared. It shows they see you as a person, not just another profile. David noticed Lena would recall little details from prior chats (“How was your friend’s wedding last weekend?”), a definite green flag that she cared.
• Willingness to respect boundaries: Did your match patiently wait until you were comfortable to share your number or meet in person? Do they listen and respect your comfort levels, whether it is choosing a public place to meet or taking things slow physically? Someone who respects boundaries early on is likely to be respectful in a relationship, too.
• Positivity and authenticity: Look for people who have a balanced, positive vibe. Their profile is not a rant about “no crazy people” or ex-bashing, and their conversation does not constantly spiral into negativity. A person who can acknowledge dating challenges but keeps an open heart is a joy to interact with. Authenticity shines through when they are honest about themselves (even about silly things like their love for comic books or that they’re a terrible cook), it invites you to be authentic too.
• They make an effort: It could be as simple as suggesting a creative date idea based on your interests, or as thoughtful as checking in on how your day went. Effort shows interest. Green flag individuals will want to invest time and energy to impress you a little because they’re genuinely interested in moving things forward.

Vanessa’s experience taught her that listening to red flags early can save a lot of trouble later, and David’s story shows how rewarding it is when you notice and follow the green flags. In online dating, it is not about being judgmental; it is about being discerning. When you spot a red flag, you have the right to pause or walk away. When you see green flags, lean in and explore that connection further. Over time, you will get even better at reading between the lines of profiles and messages. Call to Action: Take a moment to reflect on your last few online interactions. Were there any red or green flags you overlooked? Going forward, make a mental checklist of two red flags you will not ignore and two green flags you value highly. This clarity will guide you toward safer, happier connections. Trust your intuition and happy swiping toward the green!